Silent Night

I feel like we made it through the Christmas period fairly easily.  New Year’s Eve was a little bumpy, but all in all, things went as well as could be expected.  As some of you know, Vickie was raised Russian Orthodox and now we both attend an orthodox church.  In the orthodox faith, Christmas is celebrated on January 7th…today.  I guess we weren’t out of the Holiday woods just yet. 

As with most things in my life, I tend to like things that are less popular i.e. a basketball loving Irish man.  To that end, celebrating Christmas when everyone else is going about their normal day is appealing, not only because of the novelty factor, but because of the effort and dedication needed make the day more special.  When everyone is doing it, it can become too habitual.  So over the last 10 years this “other Christmas” has grown to mean something special to me.  These factors coupled with an abundence of very adorable young kids at church this morning got Christmas off to a challenging start. The church service itself was more emotional for me than it would ordinarily be, but I was slyly wiping away the occasional tear undetected.  Then, to end the service they sang Silent Night…more like good night to my slyness.  The absense of Katie burned deeply today and I think Fr. David noticed.  As Vickie and I passed him at the end of mass, getting blessed and exchanging salutations, he simply grasped each of our arms warmly as we passed…he knew.  He also almost made me lose it in the middle of the church, and there is no need for that!  I had to “lock it up”  or there’d have been quite a show for the congregation. 

The rest of the day was significantly impacted by our time at church.  This isn’t negative, it’s just a reality.  In fact, I would say that today’s church service was the most engaged I’ve ever felt at church and the closest I’ve felt to Katie since she passed away, so by no means was it negative.  It was just difficult.  Going from church to the cemetery tested our resolve, but going to Yale NH Hospital for a Kisses From Katie appointment almost put me over the edge. 

All in all, it was a GREAT day.  My emotions were thick.  My pain was real.  But, the love in my heart was pure.  I certainly wish we could have shared Christmas, whether it be “regular” or “Russian”, with Katie, but we couldn’t.  That’s saddening, but thankfully, today the saddness didn’t lead to anger.  Today was Christmas.  Without getting too religious, today was the day when the ultimate baby was brought to earth.  For the rest of my life I will parallel Christmas with the birth of my personal shining light, my personal hero.  Merry Christmas everyone!  Merry Christmas Munchkin…I hope you sleep in heavenly peace.