
Our family a year ago
I think it’s time to call it a day on this blog. I have had many urges to deliver updates over the past month or so but I’ve never been able to turn my thoughts into words. There is so much going on in our life but I didn’t feel right writing it on Katie’s page…and my thoughts were all over the place. From the illness that has fallen on some of my family members, to the untimely death of a coworkers parent, I have been riddled by complicated thoughts. Offest that with the great news that Kisses From Katie Inc (www.kissesfromkatie.org) is officially a 501 (c) 3 organization, a visit from my parents, a week of vacation, the fact that my brother’s wife will be having a baby only weeks after us in December, and multiple “all clear” signals from the doctors regarding our much anticipated arrival and I have had much I could have said. However, an update still just never seemed right.
I started this blog for Katie. I wanted to keep people abreast of the events of her life. When she passed away, I thought that I would just cut it off, but every now and again I had more to say. Well, my statements about the situation are growing more repetitive and my hesititation to make this a “general” blog about my family both point toward this being my final post. Much of me is moving on with my life, trying to re-capture normalcy…whatever that is. Part of me is still firmly stuck in November with Katie. I will not…I cannot forget my daughter. She was a sweet and beautiful angel that brightened my life. Thoughts of her will continue to guide my actions and beliefs for the rest of my life. I miss her terribly every single day. Life must go on…life has gone on…wounds have not and will not heal, but we move forward rejoicing the short time we had with Katherine Alexa.
The other day I heard a simple but prophetic statement that Bill Clinton made to the families of those that died during the Oklahoma City bombing in the 90’s. He said that “you have lost a lot, but you haven’t lost everything.” That statement is so true for me, and I try to remember it everyday. The loss of Katie can and is crippling at moments, but we cannot allow our pain and anguish to consume our future. I have a beautiful wife, a supportive family, great friends, and a life that most would dream about, so with some trepidation and awkwardness I say that I didn’t lose everything when I lost Katie. Sure, I lost a daughter, a piece of me, and a lot of self-confidence (I thought I had it all figured out! ha), but I am committed to making my life, my marriage, our organization, and our future children as enjoyable and successful as possible. With an angel watching over me, a lifetime full of memories, and an aching heart that will never heal, I will try to live my life spreading the light that Katie shared with us for little over 5 months in 2008. Her future brother has a lot to live up to, and I know that he too will have an angel looking over him. By the grace of God I hope he seizes the day and lives life to the fullest. He will define his own path, be his own person, but I can’t help but hope that he does it with the grit and grace of his older sister.
Thank you all for your continued support. You have taken the sharp edge off of a very difficult period. For those of you that we don’t know or haven’t met, I hope that these posts over the past 15 months have done justice to Katie. She was my Munchkin…and she was a life changer to all that met her. Thank you all again for everything.
To my wife (I have avoided this sappy stuff as much as possible, but it’s the last post!), without you by my side there would be no tomorrow. I know that together we can and will live with this pain and create a happy life.
And most of all, thank you Katie… for being you….inside, outside, upside, down.